Vell's Rainbowfied Life.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

WTH? WTF! Wadever...

I'll start with yesterday. I had no paper but I went to sch to study with Liang. Thought Jul would join us but she didnt wanna go. So, there we were. Trying to study but ended up laughing and chatting all the way. We went home early coz his sis kept on bugging him. Asking him to accompany her coz she was alone. What a cute big sis. We also didnt have the mood to study. So home I go~

Everything was fine until evening. As usual, there are just some things that cant be ignored. More often its coz of my sis. Its either her untidy stuff, or coz she sits too long in front of the comp and doesnt study. Yesterday was coz of the "long comp, no study" thingy. The nagging started since I was watching TV until I was trying to study. Upset, my sis turned the loudspeaker volume up. I could hear the songs from next door. So, I simply put on my earpiece and listened to my discman while trying to memorise my HRM.

Till about 10 going to 11, my sis returned to our room. I didnt give her much attention coz I'd lots of memorising to do. Then, she showed me her left arm and she said "so painful". She did it again! She scratched or cut or wadever u call it. This isnt her 1st time. I couldnt do anything except saying "you're crazy". The cut wasnt bleeding or anything. It just left some marks, bulging out lines on her arm. I often think that she needs to see a psychiatrist coz her mental has a li'l problem. She often think of killing herself by cutting her wrist, drinking the liquid soap, eating lots of panadols, etc. Its just like a drama if i think of it. But its happening! And i cant do anything.

I often tell her to just ignore the nagging and let my aunt say whatever she wants. But she cant. I also told her to change herself coz more often what my aunt scolded her is true. Its nt that I dont side my own sis, but sometimes I myself cant stand my sis' behaviour/attitude. She's hard to control. And she's so stubborn. I dunno y but i feel that she thinks she's always right. She's rude too sometimes. Esp. when she's angry. Why cant she just think for herself why she always get nagged. When will she realise that she's at fault? When will she start listening to others?

Last night, she told me that she had a conversation with a guy in IRC. When my sis was talking about suicide, then he told her an easy way. And that is to eat few panadol with few painkillers, lock every door, cut the wrist, poke the knife in, get the vein and pull it out. Lay in bed when doing it. He told her that that way u can die sleeping. I thought "OMG! This guy must be crazy!" If anything were to happen to my sis, he must be sued! I asked my sis "how does he know? He tried b4?" Then she said "yea he tried b4 thats y he told me" I wonder how he survived. Mayb it was just his own creation n my sis stupidly believed it.

Everytime she got scolded, I cant stop imagining that 1 day my sis is really going to leave this world sooner than me. I dunno whether she's just scaring others, or herself, or she really mean to do it. The big qn now is...Whether I should tell my dad or not. *Sigh* If anything were to happen, let it happen. For God had planned it. But I do hope that she can change herself soon coz its not easy to be in the middle. And they never know how I feel. *ARGH! HELP ME!* (How I wish my big bro were still in Sg with me)

Today..Did my HRM paper and it wasnt easy. Spent too long on MCQs that I'd to rush for the essay qns. It was hard to decide which one is the ans. The worse thing is I got mixed up with the several processes. Oh well, I'm not hoping for a distinction but I sure hope that I can pass it. NO SUPP PLS!!!~

Vell Signed off ♥ 1:41 PM