Vell's Rainbowfied Life.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Religious Matter/Conflict

Today got no sch, but I went anyway. Met up with Jul, Jan n Yuyun to compile our HR project. It was done finally! What a relief. The deadline was suddenly postponed to next Monday, not tmr. But we handed it in today to reduce our worries. I gotta study for the upcoming Leadership written test on Sat. Tried to photocopy the textbks today but every1 was so tired n sleepy. So, I'll continue tmr. Too last min.. I think potocopying won't help. *Sigh*. At least I tried. Now I realise that taking this subject as a CDS is a HUGE mistake. Most of the students are from design sch. It's hard for us to arrange for meetings. I hate it so much! I keep on worrying for our presentation, which probably will be on next Wed. Hopefully it will turn out to be just fine. I can't afford to fail this subj., coz I still have 2 attachments next yr. And if I fail this CDS again, I'll have to retain a few sem just to do this stupid shit. Damn!~

Anyway, I was browsing through blogspots and found Han Yew's blog. His entries are all very Christian. Suddenly I start to feel this strange emotion. My mind started to play and asked a lot of questions.

I turned to be a Buddhist again eversince my grandma passed away, which is just last Nov. However, I find it difficult to remove God from my head and heart. Nowadays, I always feel empty and have not been feeling my purpose of life. I dont rejoice or say any prayers to God anymore. I wanna go back to that path..I wanna worship Him again. But I was given some disturbing Qn. from my bro and the monk who prayed for my grandma. They made me think real hard about this religion issue.

In Christian, it is said that everyone's life, birth and death is God's plan. But, how about those newborn who die just after their birth? and what about those handicapped? My bro stated that If God had planned our lives, why did He created them to be like that? In Buddhism, it makes more sense with the retribution and before or next lives.

Another thing that has been troubling my mind is that Christian rely too much on God. Most of them say, pray and He will help you. But how can He help if u arent helping urself? We gotta work and give our best and pray for His guidance and blessing. Sadly, many people misunderstood it. They choose to pray hard without working. It doesn't make sense to me.

There's 1 more thing...They say that if they have made a sin, they gotta go repent and God will then forgive them. Isnt this a li'l too easy? How if I rob a bank 1 fine day, and I know it's a sin, so I repent. My sins are all forgiven, right? So I'm free to do summore sin. Coz, I can just repent and it'll all be just fine. Right?

HOWEVER!! After stating all my thoughts... I still can't forget and can't abandon this feeling. Last time I used to feel blessed each day, and I'd give thx to Him whenever possible. But now... I feel like a non-religious person. And I don't like the feeling. But if I turn back to God, my parents are against it. My grandparents, my parents, and now my elder bro n sis too. It's kindda hard to go against my parents and that's y my bro n sis r changing too. *Sigh* I guess I'm just gonna live life as usual. And we'll see what happen later on.

Vell Signed off ♥ 5:37 PM