Vell's Rainbowfied Life.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

And I Thought...

Had a terrible day yesterday afternoon. It seems that JJVL is gonna break apart soon. At 1st, I just closed 1 eye but Jul can't. She's a rather sensitive gal and her feeling's quite fragile. So started with 2 days ago. Waited for Jan n Liang at TP bus stop. However Jan called Jul n told us that she was already in the library. She told us that she woke up early n so went to sch earlier. So...We were still waiting for Liang at bus stop. But after sometime, Jan called again to tell us that he was also in sch already. What was that for? I dunno. Well, I always thot that we could all inform each other about these kind of simple things.

After that, Jul n I finally went up the stairs n entered TP. Wondering y they came so early. In the end, Jan told us that they both went to photocopy some notes for the Travel subj. We both were very confused n asked her y nd to photostat summore? So Jan simply said, Desmond said the lect notes were not enough n that we have to search ourselves for more info n he told all of us n we shld know. Oh alright. But we both felt that since u r our close fren, what's wrong with sharing that info with us again? U know that we both r the blur-est persons among all 4 of us. *Sigh* So if we didnt go to sch early that day, we will still dont know about this thing till now. How great is that?!

Then yesterday..We met earlier for lunch before our RHRA tut class coz Jul's maid went back to her homeland. After lunch, we were supposed to go to library to photocopy summore Travel notes. But suddenly Jan n Liang wanted to go to the comp lab. Ok then. So we went separate ways. At 1st, I didnt thot of it much. But Jul was sensitive bout this kindda thing. N after she said out her thoughts, it made me think. I quite agree with her.

I feel inferior. Coz I'm neither smart nor clever like Jan n Liang, not pretty, not hardworking, dunno my own timetable, etc. I often felt isolated actually. I dunno y. Sometimes when the both of them talk to each other, its like the topic doesnt concern anybody elses. Is it bcoz they're smart ppl? I cant figure out the ans. Anyway, sometimes during group discussions, all of them talk in Chinese. And I DONT UNDERSTAND! How great is that? Y cant u guys speak in EL? My Chinese lang. is very limited. So, I keep quiet most of the time during discussions or chats. And sometimes, when I finally open my mouth to contribute, nobody listens to my idea. How sad. Mayb they dont trust me..Oh well, I'm stupid anyway. So we tend to listen to those clever ppl.

I understand...But still..Talking without any1 listening is painful. That's y everytime anybody wanna speak out their idea, I tend to help him or her to speak. But I cant help myself to make them listen to me. *Sigh* Its alright...I'm a nobody. Soon I'm gonna leave S'pore.

But no matter how hard I try to ignore the sadness and the thought about this friendship thingy for the whole day, I think even more. I'm upset bcoz we're such close friends. And they dont wanna share with us. Is that considered as close frens? Well, I dunno. After the incident of Jan complaining whenever a fren borrow her work, I started to avoid asking help from her again. I know that if I ask her to let me see her work, she'll lend me. But who knows what happen behind my back right? I dont want her to lend me unwillingly. So, I tend to just do my best n thats all. Dont care whether right or wrong.

I dont understand y the closer we get and the more we get to know each other, the further away our friendship is. Oh well...But if we must go our own way, I just wanna say thanks to the 3 of them for being my friend. I appreciate ur presence so much. We have gone thru a lot of stuff together, be it in sch or outside sch. And I will remember u guys forever coz we were once very close friends. I'm very glad to know the 3 of u n u guys r very nice ppl. :)

Btw, exams r coming again. I hope I can study well, do my best during the papers. I hope none fails. N then I can enjoy my short holidays together with my family once again.

Vell Signed off ♥ 1:49 AM