Vell's Rainbowfied Life.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

..Lonely..

Yep I went to the airport to send my aunt off. Met my sis when we were at BK. She came with her boyfriend but he was nowhere to be seen. Of coz he was hiding, from my aunt. Wouldn't wanna let her see. My sis was so anxious to leave. I couldn't stand her. I know she cares for her boyfriend so much, but why can't she just spare sometime? It's not like it gonna take her the whole day or sumthin'.

While we were sitting at BK, waitting for my aunt to go in, my sis told me that she was going for a midnight show later on. I didn't feel too good bout it. I asked her if she can, pls change the time, don't watch midnight. But guess what..They've bought the tickets! Great. Then my heart suddenly felt so upset. She didn't even thought of me. All she cares about was to have fun. And all I felt was being an older sis, and I have my responsibility to look after her. Even though I have to admit that I hate the feeling, but I can't help it, coz I'm the older sis and not younger. If I could choose, I'd prefer to be the younger one. So that I won't have anything to worry bout her coz she need to worry bout me instead. *Sigh*

I told her that I'd be lonely at home. And she told me that they'd be going home with me 1st. But what I want was for them to be at home with me, so that I could help arrange how they're going to sleep. She didn't know what I want!

I also told her that she's been behaving like this whenever she has a boyfriend. She had done it before when she was dating with Ken. She left me home alone, while she stayed over at Ken's house. And guess what! She argued with me. She said I was like that when I was dating too. As far as I could remember, I've never left her home alone. My elder bro was at least still in S'pore when I had a boyfriend. She asked that bro could go out couldn't he. I replied her, but at least I didn't leave u sleep alone. And now, for my situation, I AM alone! And she insisted that I'd left her home alone before when I was out with my friends.

With that argument, I was so crushed. That's for being so worried. Hah! I couldn't even look at her after that. I couldn't even talk to her normally. I was so totally disappointed.

I can never figure out what's on her mind. What and how does she thinks when someone is telling her sumthin' to improve her behaviour. I'm very curious. But she's not honest most of the time. She has all the lies. And sometimes, even I can't be 100% sure whether or not she is telling the truth to me. What makes her lie? I dunno.

She just left for movies not too long ago. And here I am, worrying for her again. She wasn't dressed decently when she left. And when I told her bout it, she was rather unhappy and told me that she would wear a jacket. But I didn't see any jacket. I dunno what's on her mind, REALLY! I'm just praying that God will look after her. I trust Him 100%. I pray. I believe that He will guide her all the way, He will hold her hands and nothing bad will happen to her. I BELIEVE! I prayed real hard that He can touch her life once more.

I really hope that I can be a good sis for all my siblings. I'm trying hard. I really am. Just hope that they can appreciate more of my presence. I am grateful for them, I've thanked God for them. They're great people, individually.

I don't think that my sis will ever find out how I feel. Coz she doesn't even read my blog, I guess. I just wish for her to spare sometime for me, as sisters and sibling. Think of me just a li'l bit, like before. I don't need much, I just need a tiny bit. I need her to worry for me once again. I can't even sense her worry-ness for me when she called me on Thurs night while I was still outside for caregroup. I've guessed that my aunt had probably forced her to call me. And she wasn't very willing to do so. I could sense it. And it just came to my mind while I was praying. I was sad after all the scene today, and it added to my sadness. My sis isn't worried about me anymore. She thought of nothing about me. She's changed. I dunno what is the cause but I'm not very grateful for her change. Hopefully she'll be more matured and would think of others more than herself. Hope that she can be more sensitive to other people's feelings. I'm praying to You, Father. Amen.

Vell Signed off ♥ 11:59 PM