Vell's Rainbowfied Life.

Friday, February 29, 2008

N95

Yes.... Finally..... I get hold of that mobile phone!! Hehehe. Went to Bedok together with JY and YW before cgm. After much consideration, I decided to get the 8GB Nokia N95 series. I'm charging it for 8 hrs now before I'm able to use it. So very delighted over it. Hehehe. The sentence 'good thing comes to those who waits, but even greater thing comes to those who's patient' really make sense. Coz I've been waiting for quite long for a new phone but I didn't expect to get such a high tech one. Thus, it's really worth to wait and be patient :D

Meanwhile...update bout that Scott guy. I found him to be 30yrs old, single, works as a tutor for O and A levelers currently. Had worked with a German bank before. Was a dual citizens of Australia and S'pore but decided to stick to S'pore one when he was 21. He told me he can get the Australian easily next time. I was glad to find out that he doesn't live at the same condo as me.

Know some more things about him actually but I'm lazy to type now. Wanna unwind a while, play some game first. Have been a tiring week for me. Next week will be another battle for me as I'll be having my Investment class test on Friday.

Ciao~~

Vell Signed off ♥ 11:59 PM

Sunday, February 24, 2008

SET FREE

Struggled for the past 1 week. The truth was harsh. Felt betrayed was horrible. Have to forgive and forget was hard. To lose love was painful.

Nonetheless, I've thought it through for a long time. And I've decided to release forgiveness. This way, I'll be able to remove the bitterness that has reside inside my heart for 1 week. I struggled between love and hate, between forgiving and hating. I wanted to forgive instantly but I was so hurt that the dark side of me refused to believe in everything he said. I wanted to hate but the loving side of me refused to let go. So, I got into a dilemma and I think I've hurt him a lil by the way I treated him. The condemnation was on and off. Either of us were stressed by this incident and by the murderous assignments.

Why do I decided to forgive and trust again? Coz this thing is the fault of both parties. If I can forgive and don't even have a slight hatred for the girl, it isn't fair to hate the guy alone. Perhaps I can't get mad at her coz I don't know her. But the fact that she went on with him even after knowing bout my existence, makes her at fault too. Thus, I've to just take this experience as a lesson to be learnt. What matters now is his willingness to change. Everyone make mistakes but what matters is being able to learn from those mistakes and turn over a new leaf.

This matter had indeed made me lose my focus in everything. Lost interest in doing anything. But I thank God that I'll lose my appetite when I'm in a bad mood. Otherwise I'd have expanded within this short period of 1 week. As I grew bitter, I struggled to hang on to God and He is really faithful.

On the edge of losing my self-esteem, He did something that made me giggle when I think of it. Happened on Sat afternoon, in my condo's lift. I took the lift down, was on my way to church. A guy entered the same lift and before we reached the 1st floor, he conversed with me.

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Guy: Are you local?
Me: No, I'm not.
Guy: Yeah, you don't look local. Where are you from?
Me: From Indonesia.
Guy: Which part of Indonesia?
Me: Jakarta.
Guy: What do you do here in S'pore?
Me: Studying.
Guy: Ohh...Still studying? Where do you study?
Me: SIM.
Guy: What do you take?
Me: Business Management.
Guy: I've some Indonesian friends..Do you know bla bla bla...He's like the gangster in Indo bla bla bla. (As we walked outta the condo building)
Me: No..no I don't.. I've never heard of that group.
Guy: Oh I see... Anyway what's your name?
Me: Vellysia.
Guy: I'm Scott. (Stretched his hand to shake mine)
Me: Ok..Nice to meet you.
Scott: Is there any way to keep in touch with you?
Me: Ok sure...
Scott: Here's my number.
Me: *Pressing my cellphone buttons* My number is....
Scott: Where are you heading to now?
Me: Expo.
Scott: I'm going to Tampines. Do you want a ride? Is it along the way?
Me: It's alright. I still have around 1 hour. Anyway there's a direct bus to go there. (As I walked away from him)
Scott: Ok then... Are you currently seeing anyone, btw?
Me: Not really.
Scott: A'ight I'll contact you. We hang out some time.
Me: Ok bye~ (And I rushed to the bus stop coz I didn't have exactly 1 hr to dilly dally. I just didn't want to take his ride)
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HILLARIOUS!!! It's still so fresh in my mind. That's why I can type all of the conversation down. So, you see..God is always here with me. Moments where I lost hope on myself, He's there to bring me up again. Sometimes He show us signs through humans. That's why we gotta be more sensitive to our surroundings and be thankful in anything.

Anyways, I went to the overnight prayer mtg at Jurong west church on Fri night. It was my 1st time and I had a great time! I don't even have the slightest regret going there. Miss that church building so much. It has a very peculiar scent. Not fragrant, in fact it rather smells like sweat from the members who perspire alot after queueing a long time before svc. Hahaha. But I sure can feel the atmosphere when I was there the 1st time :D

Vell Signed off ♥ 2:37 PM

Sunday, February 17, 2008

A HURT OR BLESSING?

Something HUGE just happened to me and no..it wasn't a good thing. I got heartbroken. The news came to me slowly by Jy. Though it was slow...but it was steady. Pierced through so quickly and deeply. My stomach churned, my fingers went all cold with the cold night breeze blowing so strongly. I got confused, but I smiled a weird and broken smile. I didn't wanna believe it so easily coz perhaps due to the trust I have with that person. I feel that I know him better than the rest do. Especially the new girl who just appeared into the picture. I'm not trying to defend or cover him up. But I know his treatment towards me wasn't fake after all this while. He said that between the 2 of them, there was no special feelings attached. Perhaps the questions he asked her got her to misunderstood his intentions. I read her blog this afternoon and even as I read it, I knew that it was mostly his fault for being ignorant and insensitive. The way he questioned her was showing concern more than a normal friend would. Maybe coz we're female. And female tend to be more sensitive and thinks wayyy more than male do. So, who to blame now?

Even with the trust I had, it wasn't enough. There's an extremely thin line between love and hate. The funny thing is that, we can shift from love to hate in a blink of an eye but not vice versa. Once we enter hatred, it's difficult to return back to love. Maybe coz we feel hurt and thus it's not easy to love again. Nonetheless, we as Christians have to learn to be more forgiving and merciful right? Just like Jesus is to us even after we've hurt Him repetitiously. Having said that, it's still difficult for me to be like Him in such situation. I'm just a mere human being who's not perfect. Once my trust is broken, it's gonna be a tougher journey for both of us.

Moments like this makes me long for my family alot. I miss Mercy most of all. He's the only one who can show sincere love towards people. He gets so excited when he sees me. Oh how I treasure him so much. Thank God for my jie's friend who gave him as a gift. Hehehe.

Anyways...I did more than crying last night and even today. I wailed like a baby who hasn't been fed for half a day! It was too much information at one time. I find it hard to digest. I find it hard to speak out my mind too. Even when I've finally say out what was on my mind, the questions that's been haunting me down for the past few hours, I find it hard to believe the replies that I get. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel and think.

Can't remember when was the last time I wailed. It felt kindda good actually. But the bad thing is that it starts to grow into bitterness and a sense of suspiciousness, unable to believe in other people anymore.

I've to learn from this incident. However, I still wanna try to trust him once again. Everyone do need at least a second chance right? Even murderers and thieves do too. But I guess it'll be harder to establish now. *Sigh* The most important thing to do now is to pray, get closer to God and ask Him to remove this bitterness and accusation in my heart. Remove this condemnation that I have towards him in my mind.

--Lord, here I am...Forgiven so that I can forgive--

Vell Signed off ♥ 9:45 PM

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

JUMBLED UP

Haven't been blogging for such a long long long time. Been lazy to try to recall the past actually. Hahaha. But since I'm kindda free now, lemme just blog the main incidents briefly.

Watched Rambo 4 one fine day and it was gore. I cried coz the story was about God's children wanting to change the world by going to the warzone at Burma. I saw how they were being tortured. There were traitors being abused and tortured like as if they were toys. The ladies were treated like sex toys and were raped. It was horrifying to see. But I love the ending coz it was a happy one. The bad army leader was killed by Rambo. Hooray!!!

Fellowshipped with Joyce, Limei, Weiling, and Emily during Weiling's volleyball match at TP. Had a fun time reminiscing my time as TP student by eating the vegetarian meal at Mensa 2.

Had our CNY svc before the CNY itself. Had yusheng during fellowship. Went overnight at Orchard after that. Played Nintendo WII for the 1st time at cineleisure and it was a very fun experience. After that the guys went to play pool. I cldn't play, so I sat at a corner.

Returned to Indo for CNY from Wed afternoon till Sat afternoon. Collected quite a lot of hongbao and am I glad or am I glad. Hehehehe. Had a good time but too bad it was too short. Spent some quality time together with family. My family fired up some fireworks again during the CNY eve night while my mom was preparing the table with a few plates of offerings to pray to their gods.

1 day of visitation and it was all it takes to provide me with close to S$400. Hahahaha! 3 houses altogether. I cld've collected more but coz of the idiotic matchmaking session, I didn't have the time for 2nd visitation. *Sigh loudly* Not that the guy being matchmade to me is handsome or charismatic or interesting in any angle. He's got the lousiest attitude ever! He didn't even smile when he shook hands with all of us, ok?! It was CNY, for goodness sake. Face was so dull, hair was gelled and shiny like he's living in the 80's, overall appearance wasn't impressive at all. Maybe he thought he has to pay money to show us his smile. Or perhaps he was afraid I might start to like him if he smiled. Puhlease!!!! And there I was...Being nice and pleasant. Not to impress him, but coz he came over to my house and I didn't want to make myself and my family as a disgrace. Oh well. I wasn't even the least bit interested to be matchmade to anyone. And don't think that nobody wants to be with me, ok? Tsk. So stiff but still so picky and fussy. Dunno whether he'll ever get married or not. Cih.

It was my bro's hand with the mini mandarin orange.

How nice to have CNY. Wished it'd last longer but I've to return to reality. Assignments are piling up again and it's higher than the previous ones. Gonna return to my stressful self again but I just can't get the engine started. Valentine's day is a few hours away. Liang said it's my day coz to him, I'm V :D

Don't feel any excitement about it at all. Part of it is coz I've gotten older. While the other part is coz there are so many assignments to do. There might even be a group project mtg! Imagine that!~ Spending my V day with girlfriends but not for having fun. Geez. Oh well...I havent buy anything for anyone yet. Gosh.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!! Hope you're surrounded by love!~

Vell Signed off ♥ 5:43 PM