Vell's Rainbowfied Life.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

SET FREE

Struggled for the past 1 week. The truth was harsh. Felt betrayed was horrible. Have to forgive and forget was hard. To lose love was painful.

Nonetheless, I've thought it through for a long time. And I've decided to release forgiveness. This way, I'll be able to remove the bitterness that has reside inside my heart for 1 week. I struggled between love and hate, between forgiving and hating. I wanted to forgive instantly but I was so hurt that the dark side of me refused to believe in everything he said. I wanted to hate but the loving side of me refused to let go. So, I got into a dilemma and I think I've hurt him a lil by the way I treated him. The condemnation was on and off. Either of us were stressed by this incident and by the murderous assignments.

Why do I decided to forgive and trust again? Coz this thing is the fault of both parties. If I can forgive and don't even have a slight hatred for the girl, it isn't fair to hate the guy alone. Perhaps I can't get mad at her coz I don't know her. But the fact that she went on with him even after knowing bout my existence, makes her at fault too. Thus, I've to just take this experience as a lesson to be learnt. What matters now is his willingness to change. Everyone make mistakes but what matters is being able to learn from those mistakes and turn over a new leaf.

This matter had indeed made me lose my focus in everything. Lost interest in doing anything. But I thank God that I'll lose my appetite when I'm in a bad mood. Otherwise I'd have expanded within this short period of 1 week. As I grew bitter, I struggled to hang on to God and He is really faithful.

On the edge of losing my self-esteem, He did something that made me giggle when I think of it. Happened on Sat afternoon, in my condo's lift. I took the lift down, was on my way to church. A guy entered the same lift and before we reached the 1st floor, he conversed with me.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Guy: Are you local?
Me: No, I'm not.
Guy: Yeah, you don't look local. Where are you from?
Me: From Indonesia.
Guy: Which part of Indonesia?
Me: Jakarta.
Guy: What do you do here in S'pore?
Me: Studying.
Guy: Ohh...Still studying? Where do you study?
Me: SIM.
Guy: What do you take?
Me: Business Management.
Guy: I've some Indonesian friends..Do you know bla bla bla...He's like the gangster in Indo bla bla bla. (As we walked outta the condo building)
Me: No..no I don't.. I've never heard of that group.
Guy: Oh I see... Anyway what's your name?
Me: Vellysia.
Guy: I'm Scott. (Stretched his hand to shake mine)
Me: Ok..Nice to meet you.
Scott: Is there any way to keep in touch with you?
Me: Ok sure...
Scott: Here's my number.
Me: *Pressing my cellphone buttons* My number is....
Scott: Where are you heading to now?
Me: Expo.
Scott: I'm going to Tampines. Do you want a ride? Is it along the way?
Me: It's alright. I still have around 1 hour. Anyway there's a direct bus to go there. (As I walked away from him)
Scott: Ok then... Are you currently seeing anyone, btw?
Me: Not really.
Scott: A'ight I'll contact you. We hang out some time.
Me: Ok bye~ (And I rushed to the bus stop coz I didn't have exactly 1 hr to dilly dally. I just didn't want to take his ride)
-------------------------------------------------------------------

HILLARIOUS!!! It's still so fresh in my mind. That's why I can type all of the conversation down. So, you see..God is always here with me. Moments where I lost hope on myself, He's there to bring me up again. Sometimes He show us signs through humans. That's why we gotta be more sensitive to our surroundings and be thankful in anything.

Anyways, I went to the overnight prayer mtg at Jurong west church on Fri night. It was my 1st time and I had a great time! I don't even have the slightest regret going there. Miss that church building so much. It has a very peculiar scent. Not fragrant, in fact it rather smells like sweat from the members who perspire alot after queueing a long time before svc. Hahaha. But I sure can feel the atmosphere when I was there the 1st time :D

Vell Signed off ♥ 2:37 PM